Home

It's 3:30 AM on August 10th and I'm watching Lord of the Rings for probably about the 4th time this summer at my best friends. Yes, it's late, and I probably should be sleeping seeing as I have to go vote for MAK in primaries and I have a date with my girlfriend, but a basic fact about me is I don't sleep. I like to think I'm "living life to the fullest" by staying awake, playing games, fb stalking, and researching animal attack videos in the wee hours when normal people sleep most of the time. This time I have a reason: I'm worried about leaving home.
Lots of college kids say they love to leave, clearly. I mean, high school is full of elitist cliques who systematically control your life and so many bad decisions made for you that it's almost as though you were created to hate the institution you started with just of off association, right? College offers many individualistic opportunities: kids who actually like that band that your friends don't know, that movie your friends didn't see because they thought it was more important to do shots and party at that moment. Honestly, waiting a couple years definitely solves mistakes for that (minors), but whatever. College is awesome, statement of fact. Yet so many others like myself are probably questioning "Why am I leaving?".
Most kids are attached to their parents, brothers, sisters, pets, etc. and think that they can't survive without them, yet after half a semester they don't even think about calling them or staying in contact till the next time they have to leave campus or need money, sadly. I'm ahead of the curve: I know I won't call my mother most of the time, to be simple. But she'll be okay with that because she knows I can handle myself. Hell, the last year I lived without her finding food, rides, places to go all without her help while she wants to create the "perfect family" with my new stepdad and kids, sacrificing all of her ideals and liberal actvism to go on hunting trips with Mr. NRA Dad: class conformity at its finest. I won't worry like other college kisd about actually having to be independent. I'm well aware of the basics of modern survival.
I'm worried about leaving my city. Cliche, definitely. The heroes always talk about defending their lands in epic stories and shit, but really, that's the simplistic version of it. I've lived in Bloomington for 8 years, way longer than the first 4 years spent in my life in Thunder Bay Ontario and the rest in various places (I'm 18). I moved around a ton. It's inevitable when your mom pops you out as a mistake at the age 20 as she's a freshman in college who needs a Masters in English. Her plan for raising me was just to make sure I had shelter and food, wherever that may be. I love her for that, honestly, but as a young'n I cut off the emotional attachments to cities and places because it hurts like hell to leave home over and over. Not just go away for a bit, but legitimately leave, where you know even if you come back, its not your home, just a shadow of your unpleasant past. It sucks. I learned this at about 10 as I left Wolf Point, MN.
Bloomington became my home. I've spent 5th-12th grade here. Honestly, this place to me is the best my mom could have ever placed me. Here I've gained the ability to think and do activities such as Debate where 90% of schools don't offer. Here I've seen how much different and shitty the places such as Wolf Point, the Indian reservation, or Thunder Bay, the dying mill city are compared to the suburbs of the Twin Cities. I complain about tons of shit, I'm a teenager, but I can't complain about the wondrous suburb itself. Sure, there's a ton of pretentious douchebags who flaunt borrowed wealth around and will probably fail expectations in life somewhere, but that's a product of families, not the activities and location I feel. My friends bitch about how there isn't anything to do, no fun, blah blah blah, but if you've seen a glimpse of the world outside, Americans would probably slap them for even saying such a thing. We are gifted with so many chances to succeed, so yeah, expectations should run high. Non suburb kids don't have what we have. As a student I slacked off a lot, and in the summer I truly regretted it because I wasted such a valuable asset: true public education. Tons of kids don't have books, resources, teachers, or even systems to design them to succeed while my AP teachers would have jumped at the chance had I signaled for help, or even signaled interest. These past thoughts have sounded so unlike my personality I'm starting to think I'm dying or something...damn.
All college kids are sad to leave home though, I know that. I guess the reason why I think I'm so special to blog about my experience is because most kids grow up with one home, especially in the suburbs. They can recall early childhood memories in the same area over and over. I can't. My childhood memories include my mom walking me to daycare so she could go to college, moving, and subways screams in Toronto or long bus rides in Montana. None of that stuff I could ever claim to be mine. The kids there wouldn't have accepted if I said "Wow, I'm definitely a Thunder Bay kid." I only lived 4 years there, I don't know shit about how those kids really live or even what living in the city is like. Even stating that would be insulting to the people's homes themselves. Its a false reality to even being to think that being born in Thunder Bay, Wolf Point, Toronto, etc defines a large part of my personality consciously.
Bloomington is different though. I attended all of middle school at Olson and all of high school at Jefferson. I made many friends. I played basketball, ran cross country and track, and learned Debate here. I can recall bored Friday nights at a friends, or going to school everyday in the same area. It's my home. The things I've done here define who I am. I found it, and to leave now is so depressing because I can't just cut it off like I did in the past. I'm too old, I have all the great times of going to state in basketball or those late nights researching or all my friends stuck in my head. You can't detach yourself from the things that make you who you are, and leaving to the University of Iowa means I'll be gone from Jefferson, and from home. I loved that school more than any public building in the world. Classes were a drag, but I experienced them there. There were my classes, my friends, my activities, and it was my school, which is so important to a kid who had to move frequently without a lot to hold onto. In Bloomington I had control of my life, my mom put me in a place where I was secure. The walks around 102nd and bike rides around the city everyday assured me that this was my place. I wasn't leaving, and I'm more thankful for that than I ever have been in my life.
Most people have home in their hearts, true. Its corny, but when I leave to Iowa I'll carry all the great times, challenges, and experiences that I found chillin' in the suburbs because to me that occurred in my home, because after all was said and done, I always knew I had an open invitation to the last house before Bloomington Covenant church and Brookside fields on W. 102nd St. So when I leave for Iowa City, that will all change, but hopefully Bloomington will take me and give me refuge when I occasionally return and remind me of a faithful sanctuary after a life of nomadic origins.